It's a Classic
by Seikou
Summary: OMG Yay! I updated! Chapter 2 is now up! The basic plot to my story is...DREAMS! Yes, dreams. Dreams caused by the consumption of strange, overbaked foods. R&R, hope you like!
1. Hurr My Knee

**Author's Note: Jello! Okay, I just wanna say thank you LeeLee for giving me the idea for this (whether you knew it or not). I hope you like! I wrote this after an interesting drawing was drawn in chronicles history. It was a smiley face of Hermione, with a HUGE afro. Not just huge, engulfing the top corner of my paper. We even drew in Hitler and our history teacher (don't ask, it was something to do with WW2).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP, wish I did though, 'cuz then I would have money! And sorry if this is offensive to anyone (don't know why it would be).**

Hermione stares into the shadows before her. She knew this was a dream. It had to be.

A dark figure slid toward her in the darkness on none other than...a tennis racket. Yes a tennis racket, one painted the color of a great green pickle.

Hermione gasped. Her lunchbox fell to the ground, springing open and sending her salami and buttered weasel smoothie everywhere. It was her favorite smoothie, and seeing the wasted weasel made her angry. So angry her afro started to expand.

Voldemort stood from the racket, towering over Hermione with great ease...well, he was taller than her, at least.

"You can't beat me, little squirrel," he snarled snarlingly. Hermione shakes her head, the fro still growing, bigger and bigger. Soon the mass engulfs the dark wizard, strangling him. He hacks...at a tree standing in the corner of the room. Then he hacks, choking on a hairball. A short, rough "meow" escapes him, running away from the horrible sight, and he falls to floor, hacking.

"I will win Voldymoldy!" Hermione growls growlingly, her umbrella flying away in fright of the growl. She laughs evilly, the static from her hair causing a lightning storm to develop in the background, adding a wonderfully frightening effect to her evil laugh.

Hermione springs awake, her trampolene flying from beneath her.

"I will never eat another of Ron's experimental creamed corn again...."


	2. Hair E

Hermione sits silently in her bed, the spilled bowl of cream corn on the floor next to her. A monkey flies past as she stares blankly at the wall, trying to remember where her cabbage is. She is also trying to remember the details of her odd dream.

"Isn't Harry supposed to be the one to kill &?" Ron squeaks at Hermione at the Gryffindor table that morning at breakfast. He is squeaking because he accidentally on purpose swallowed Scabbers. **For more on the meaning of &, read Harry Potter and the Unacceptable Title by hermyandron4evr. Tis funny!**

"Yes, Broom. He is always the hero. I believe your special cream corn caused the catastrophic dream." She shovels her Hot Pockets® Meatball and Mozzarella into her mouth, chipping a tooth on the end of the great shovel she is shoveling with. "Fixadentium!" With a quick schwing of her wand, the chipped tooth is fixed.

"I can't keep track of my grapefruit!" Harry cries to the table. The table, which could care less that he was crying or that he couldn't keep track of his grapefruit, got up and swam away. Then it realized that there was no water and so could not swim, so it got on a motorbike and drove into the sunrise.

"Deary bald man!" Ronnykins yelled, falling to the floor in a fetal position. "I didn't even get to ask her hand in marriage...sniffle..."

"Harry," Hurt my knee asks poetically.

"Chess?"

"Why is it

That

Every time

Evil is here

Threat

En

Ing

The lives

Of

My pickles

You

And only

You

Get to

Be

Savior?"

"It brings tears to my feathers!" A passing hamburger whispers, a single tear rolling down its ketchup.

"I dunno...I blame it on the hamburger," Harry points his wand at the hamburger in wild accusation...no, not that wand...

"You can't just blame whatever you want!" Hermione whines.

"You got beef with me?!" The burger shouts angrily. Hermione falls to her knees crying, torn by the violence.

"I never said that, I only said I was blaming you!" Harry steps away from the enraged meat patty.

"No one blames the beef and gets away with it!"

At that moment, Harry wakes up, beef cupcakes strewn across his sheets.


End file.
